The rant of a sleep-deprived mama

Sooooooo....I'm crap at keeping this blog updated.  I go onto all these other mommy blogs and they are just so well put together and have hundreds of followers and I'm like...hm...how can I do that?  How do these moms get the inspiration and energy to do it?  I'm not tooting my own horn here but I used to be a great writer.  As a teen I was always writing little pieces of fiction and lots of tortured poetry that could only have been written by a angst-ridden teenage girl with lots of unrequited love.  Then throughout college I had to switch gears and write about real life topics, non-fiction type pieces.  So I'm trying to get back to that creative writing part of my brain and I feel like I'm flailing (and failing..).  Thing is...I'm am just sooo tired.  Jonah who just turned  6 months today is a poor, poor sleeper.  I'm just going to lay it all out right here and now.  It sucks and it doesn't seem fair.  I know, I know....trust me I know.  It could be A LOT worse.  I am thankful that he is otherwise healthy and happy and developing normally.  But...when you are living on edge all day long because you never know what to expect---one good nap and the nothing the rest of the day?  No naps?  Two one-hour naps?  One short nap and then one really long, shockingly long nap?  And then there's the night....oh holy night...The longest I can get out of him is 4 hours.  Then most of the time after at least one of his night wakings he wants to stay awake and I'm trying to jiggle my legs and pinch my skin just to stay awake and feed him.  It SUCKS!  It sucks because if sleep wasn't absolutely necessary, if it was somewhat negotiable I'd be okay.  I'd watch movies and catch up on my pile or library reading while he played.  But the fact of the matter is that we both need sleep.  I'm an awful mother without it and he can't develop healthfully without it.  Some days I just don't think I can rock and soothe anymore.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  I have to remind myself this isn't normal although it has become normalized to me over the past 6 months.  I feel like I am being overly selfish if I expect him to only wake up once or even just twice in the night and to take two good naps every day but then from what I hear...hmmm...ah yes it normal.  It's what "normal" babies do for the most part at this age.  Oy. I could go on but I need to try and catch a few zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's.  I'm sorry if I sound selfish to be complaining about this but I am just so tired.  I just want to know when I can expect to sleep.